So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" "Well," the woman says, "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favourite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999 my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old, it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden. " The man can't believe it. "I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!" Naturally, they're both shocked. "If that isn't weird enough," says the woman, "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain, how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favourite author" Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here. I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature, this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain." They both can't believe it, this has got to be a match made in heaven. "Ok," the woman says, "well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favourite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favourite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?" The man puts down his fruit and responds, *"It's a date."*
Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.
In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
Neither did she!
into an oven, I'm hungry!!
They can’t find the 11 on the phone!
Photoshop - if you're good at it.
The guy with the hydraulic press would kill the baby for free, and he'll do ones that have already been born. He makes a lot of money, everybody loves watching a the compressed fetus goo squeezed out of the dead woman's vagina. The pro-choice finally did admit that abortion was murder, so we are now just the pro-murder movement. We love watching people be murdered by the hydraulic press.
They were having a pillow fight.
I really did not see that coming in "The Empire Strikes Back."
When they get the final solution.
Wongthink
At 69 they blow a rod.
The abortion was planned.
Batman and Batmen
She prefers being called big-boned.
LGBBQ
Because that’s shoplifting
Neither did she
They rearranged the furniture.
I don't care if she has either
It was for impersonating an officer
The bartender says "what will it be officer?"
i had no idea what i was doing, but dad was sure keen to show me
While kids in foreign countries bring their MP3 players to school, we bring our MP5s! ​ EDIT: We now bring MP7s. EDIT #2: We now bring MP9s! Holy shit, we really upgraded quickly! EDIT #3: Well shit, it's lockdown... hope we get an MP11 sooner or later!
N_ _ _ _ _ _ s
More like third reich feminism
Doctor-Whats wrong? Me-I love to help blind and mute people, I think I'm insane!! Doctor-How is that bad?? Me- I mean the adjective
Jack Daniels comes alive when you add coke.
because they have developed a taste for pepper spray.
I shouted, “My money's on the one with the knife!" You should’ve seen them both run away.
I think it's because he's got an overactive knife and fork.
I was only protecting him from a sniper. Lucky for him I saw the laser sight before the guy took one in the head.
more jokes Here waiting for you
best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
Feeling down? Click in—guaranteed smiles! 😆